On January 30th, 1956, my grandfather, Alec Paterson, walked to the small cottage across the yard from his house to ask 'Nan', the retired nanny of his children, to sign a holographic will. He returned to his home and shot himself. This tragedy left a wound in our family that still has not entirely healed.
I tell you of this because my grandfather's death raises many issues about mental illness and addiction that are common for many families. By telling you more of what I have discovered about my own family, I hope to offer you some insight and hope for yours. My colleagues from Dunham House will also add their professional views as we progress.
Some of the points that I will make in this series are that mental illnesses, and the addictions that are so often connected with them, are not solitary issues that affect only the individual. Because mental illnesses are expressed in behaviour, they affect families and friends as well. Mental illnesses also do not have a clearly understood cause. Consequently, people with mental illness are often seen by their families as people who have failed in some moral sense. The resulting feelings of blame and shame make it hard to seek help.
In researching for a book about my family, I discovered that the simple story that everyone told after Alec’s death of my "evil and weak" granny, driving her "noble" husband to his death, was not true. It was an easy story to tell other people, but it was only part of the answer for why he killed himself. As I learned more about what really happened, I saw a more complex situation. I saw, for the first time, Alec’s role in Anna’s illness. This new story of a mutual interaction swept away the moral issues and the blame. This more balanced story has brought with it feelings of compassion and understanding that are helping the current members of my family cope with the mental illness that afflicts us even today.
Cope is an important idea here. There is no "cure" for most mental illnesses, but we can find ways of living with them so that they do not destroy us.
Please join me as I explore these issues.
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